Narrative:

Captain's airspeed indicator failed to come alive on takeoff roll (first officer flying, I in the flight engineer seat). As we were above 100 KIAS, continued the takeoff, I giving speed callouts. The captain's air data computer had just been worked on, according to the aircraft log, and since switching the captain's instruments to the first officer's seemed to clear the problem, we continued the departure. Oddly enough, the standby altimeter and airspeed indicators, especially the airspeed, were also erroneous. By the time we reached FL310 on the first officer's altitude, the captain's read FL300 and the standby about 295. We had no flag or warning lights and proceeded for some time, looking at the manual, discussing the problem. Steadily, the airspds climbed to the top peg, inducing our high speed clacker. All 3 altimeters continued to diverge, and we realized that we didn't know how fast we were going, what altitude we were at, or if we were climbing or descending. Guessing our altitude, and using the 'loss of reliable airspeed' checklist, we declared an emergency and headed back for ewr, managing with ATC's help to 'join up' with 3000 ft lateral separation, with an ewr-bound air carrier B flight, giving us our first idea of speed and altitude. Outstanding teamwork and airmanship got us on the ground, but I never want to see another such scenario. On the ground, we found about 1 square inch patches of masking tape very neatly glued over all static ports and the captain's and standby pitot tubes. Somehow, in my walkaround, I had seen these neat tapes, which looked so natural, but had walked right by them. My eyes had to have seen them, but my brain didn't get the message. Suggest that the old-fashioned pitot covers with flags be required, and that long streamers be taped to static ports, and/or generous strips (not tiny patches) of tape be applied in big 'X' patterns, with tape of bright or contrasting colors. Apparently, 3 other pairs of eyes missed these patches before my walkaround.

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Original NASA ASRS Text

Title: WDB HAS FAILURE OF AIRSPD AND ALTIMETER READINGS. RETURN LAND.

Narrative: CAPT'S AIRSPD INDICATOR FAILED TO COME ALIVE ON TKOF ROLL (FO FLYING, I IN THE FE SEAT). AS WE WERE ABOVE 100 KIAS, CONTINUED THE TKOF, I GIVING SPD CALLOUTS. THE CAPT'S AIR DATA COMPUTER HAD JUST BEEN WORKED ON, ACCORDING TO THE ACFT LOG, AND SINCE SWITCHING THE CAPT'S INSTS TO THE FO'S SEEMED TO CLR THE PROB, WE CONTINUED THE DEP. ODDLY ENOUGH, THE STANDBY ALTIMETER AND AIRSPD INDICATORS, ESPECIALLY THE AIRSPD, WERE ALSO ERRONEOUS. BY THE TIME WE REACHED FL310 ON THE FO'S ALT, THE CAPT'S READ FL300 AND THE STANDBY ABOUT 295. WE HAD NO FLAG OR WARNING LIGHTS AND PROCEEDED FOR SOME TIME, LOOKING AT THE MANUAL, DISCUSSING THE PROB. STEADILY, THE AIRSPDS CLBED TO THE TOP PEG, INDUCING OUR HIGH SPD CLACKER. ALL 3 ALTIMETERS CONTINUED TO DIVERGE, AND WE REALIZED THAT WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW FAST WE WERE GOING, WHAT ALT WE WERE AT, OR IF WE WERE CLBING OR DSNDING. GUESSING OUR ALT, AND USING THE 'LOSS OF RELIABLE AIRSPD' CHKLIST, WE DECLARED AN EMER AND HEADED BACK FOR EWR, MANAGING WITH ATC'S HELP TO 'JOIN UP' WITH 3000 FT LATERAL SEPARATION, WITH AN EWR-BOUND ACR B FLT, GIVING US OUR FIRST IDEA OF SPD AND ALT. OUTSTANDING TEAMWORK AND AIRMANSHIP GOT US ON THE GND, BUT I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANOTHER SUCH SCENARIO. ON THE GND, WE FOUND ABOUT 1 SQUARE INCH PATCHES OF MASKING TAPE VERY NEATLY GLUED OVER ALL STATIC PORTS AND THE CAPT'S AND STANDBY PITOT TUBES. SOMEHOW, IN MY WALKAROUND, I HAD SEEN THESE NEAT TAPES, WHICH LOOKED SO NATURAL, BUT HAD WALKED RIGHT BY THEM. MY EYES HAD TO HAVE SEEN THEM, BUT MY BRAIN DIDN'T GET THE MESSAGE. SUGGEST THAT THE OLD-FASHIONED PITOT COVERS WITH FLAGS BE REQUIRED, AND THAT LONG STREAMERS BE TAPED TO STATIC PORTS, AND/OR GENEROUS STRIPS (NOT TINY PATCHES) OF TAPE BE APPLIED IN BIG 'X' PATTERNS, WITH TAPE OF BRIGHT OR CONTRASTING COLORS. APPARENTLY, 3 OTHER PAIRS OF EYES MISSED THESE PATCHES BEFORE MY WALKAROUND.

Data retrieved from NASA's ASRS site as of July 2007 and automatically converted to unabbreviated mixed upper/lowercase text. This report is for informational purposes with no guarantee of accuracy. See NASA's ASRS site for official report.